Why we need to stop telling women they can't have it all
Stop telling women we can’t have it all. Period.
Rihanna headlined the Super Bowl halftime show in February and used it as the moment to announce her pregnancy. Iconic. Celebrity after celebrity has embraced pregnancy and put it on display through fashion and continuing to work in the public eye. We celebrate them and their decision to “have it all” but it doesn’t end there. Along with the celebration comes the comparison. “I could never…” or “I didn’t look like that when I was pregnant…” Why can’t it stop at celebration and inspiration?
International Women’s Day is coming up next week and I have mixed feelings about it every year. From women deciding to take the day off or refuse the speaking gig because it is underpaid compared to male speakers, and even the very open discussions about the gender pay gap and how we still somehow haven’t been able to find a fix for that as a society…
I am just going to say it. It’s both exhilarating and exhausting being a woman in business – owning a business.
My SongBird story
When I started SongBird, I constantly faced situations where I had to speak louder than others “in the room” so I wouldn’t be overlooked in favour of male peers. Even after a few years I was often considered “too small” even though I was the same size as the other options. I have also been in situations where male business owners ignored me to speak to a male colleague who was not qualified.
Perhaps the biggest challenge I faced as a business owner was when I got pregnant. In spite of working with many brands in the parenting space, I was told over and over by people in and out of my network that I wouldn’t be able to run my business and have a baby. I learned to respond carefully with “don’t worry, I’ll figure it out,” and that was usually met with “knowing” laughter. This type of response often came from other women and it got me thinking a lot about how we can support each other so much better. We can do so much more BEFORE burnout sets in because it all starts with mindset.
In August 2018, we welcomed a feisty little girl into the world – 4 weeks early and barely 5 lbs. She came the day after a trade show, and I didn’t even realize I was in labour (haha don’t hate me). I didn’t take mat leave. I barely took time off. And Aurora was home for the first 3 years while I worked from home. She came to meetings (where it was appropriate) and even trade shows. Was it hard? Absolutely. Do I know how I got through it? Not sure. But the one thing I want to make sure of is that she grows up thinking that she can be anything, do anything, and, if she wants to, have it all.
My story and my choices aren’t going to be right for every woman. But that’s the beauty of it. We should all get to make our own choices without judgement. And, equally as important as not judging, as women we should be rallying around each other. It shouldn’t take a celebrity doing a Super Bowl half time show to make us sit up and take notice.
Women CAN have it all… and they don’t have to be a celebrity
We put so much energy into supporting celebrities and influencers in the public eye on their quest to have it all, but what about the woman standing next to you?
Watch out for the business owner who is about to have a baby and is trying to figure it out. And the woman who made the scary decision to leave her secure 9 – 5 corporate job to turn her side hustle into her full-time business. The mom who is trying to juggle a successful career with her child being home sick from school for the millionth time. The woman who decided to go back to school later in life to change careers.
Women are doing amazing things and we need to support each other. These women are all ICONIC. We are all icons in our own way.
I would love to hear your stories of wanting to have it all – or having it all – and what that means to you! Tell me in the comments below!
“I’m a woman, I’m a ball of Fire.”